Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Virginity auction hits $3.8 million!

Virginity auction hits $3.8 million!


Does anal cost extra?

When Ebay delicately told Natalie Dylan that the item she wanted to auction wasn’t, er, appropriate, she didn’t get discouraged. Instead the 22-year-old sought acceptance at Nevada’s Moonlite Bunny Ranch, where the empathetic owner agreed to help Natalie sell her virginity through his brothel’s website.

Natalie, who has remained about as modest and demure as a triple-pronged vibrator in the wake of the ensuing media storm, insists that she’s auctioning off her cherry for the sole purpose of paying for her master’s degree. Hoping to get at least $1 million dollars when she embarked on her vulva-centered mission, the bidding has now reached well over $3.8 million. But according to Natalie, it’s not all about the money. “I’m hoping to meet a nice guy, too.” While I hate to be the bearer of bad news to a bright-eyed coed seeking a nice guy in the form of a stranger writing a check for her vagina, the man that pays $3.8 million for that privilege is going to want his money’s worth. For that kind of cash, you can bet he’s going to play the back nine and break out the fetishes outlawed in forty-eight states. There’s going to be a camcorder, a goat, and a Jell-O wrestling ring with a midget. It’ll be a well-earned $3.8 million.

Denis Hof, owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, is eager to help his pure young client’s academic dreams come true. “I think it’s a tremendous idea,” he told reporters. “Why lose it to some guy in the backseat of a Toyota when you can pay for your education?”

But ponder this query: If she’s simply a shy young coed that wants only to pay for a college education, why did she leap at the chance to appear on Howard Stern, continue to post provocative photos of herself online, and recently ink a book deal?

In these tough economic times, buying virginity is hard on the wallet, which is why I think it’s only fair to offer sex patrons a more budget friendly option in the $300,000 range. But there’s still no word yet on whether Denis Hof will offer my suggested “sloppy seconds” package, which would include a can of Lysol and some wet naps.

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